Oh I don't know what to say anymore. Listing things might help but that's uncreative. I feel like a bad pop song. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. I'm not programmed to go to bed before 2 AM. Maybe I'm afraid I'll miss something.
I wish I was tired of drama, but I'm not. It's just one bad television show after another. Please, if I start snorting coke, someone stop me so I don't become like Marissa Cooper. I feel like an after school special sometimes, but a lot of people are worse than I am so I guess that has to count for something.
This semester I've been hearing "Well you're only there for a semester, it's almost over." Though it's easy to think that, I try not to. That's how I felt about Lang last semester and I think it prevented me from meeting people and enjoying my time there. I could say that about any setting my my life. "I'm only home for 3 months, why call my friends?" "I going away next fall, why make friends at Sarah Lawrence?" "Why like someone if I'm just going to be leaving?"
It's difficult living a life that is defined by picking up and moving every few months or so. I miss my friends a lot. Even the ones I didn't know that well. I miss late nights and fake fireplaces. I miss AIM convos from across the hall. I miss the OC nights and Sunday bike rides. I miss a lot of things. I miss not trying harder.
I think I should stop being so worried about everything. I think I should stop trying to figure everything out so I know exactly what it means. I think I should just live my life. Oh but it's so hard sometimes. I'm trying and that's got to count for something.
I think I should go to bed.
Apr. 5th, 2006
Nothing like showing up for a 9:30AM class only 3 minutes early, seeing that there's only one person there, checking your email at a teacher's desk and realizing that your class was cancelled.
And then there's nothing else like realizing that you shouldn't go back to bed. You just just do class work. And then after class work you should do your conference work.
It's never ending here.